dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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