How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
the raccoons are back...
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