So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
