im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
