She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
