He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
