HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
