You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
