i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
