Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
