I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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