you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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