Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
