She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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