I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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