Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
