@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
this boner is exhausting
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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