Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's official drugs can't kill me
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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