That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
