quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
