He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
