As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
