I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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