Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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