Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
