I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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