You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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