did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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