Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
