How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
