sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
