I just cut my nipple shaving
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
