Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
