There was a lot of him and a little penis
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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