Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
