Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We had to coat check the pizza.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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