I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
