When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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