whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize