You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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