I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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