You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm too high and old for this...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
