I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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