Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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