I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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