I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
