I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
sex in a hospital.. check
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
