Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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