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I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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