I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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