so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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