Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
