call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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