I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
