never play flip cup with pint glasses
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
