so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
