No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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