I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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