I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
