Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
