i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
