so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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