so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
