Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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