My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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