Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
