I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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