God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
